While seated on the bed in our hotel room, I could not help but notice a folder in his hard disk, next to the one which he had loaded up with movies and asked me to copy over to my computer. Curiously, I opened the file. It
contained pictures and videos of hardcore pornography, which
Paul had apparently forgotten to hide before handing me his hard disk. I refused to inquire about his pornography, the fact that he would be checking out of the room and headed down south to meet his friend, as he claimed. Or perhaps, his life partner, an elderly Chinese lady. This put an exclamation point to what Paul had said
to me in conversations before meeting him, that he had a “special liking” for eastern Europeans and naked women. And the incident confirmed my growing unease about this supposedly
successful man. He was in fact a closet sex addict and deviant.
A few months before
our encounter, Paul asked me to fly up for a few days to meet him right when Christmas break started. We had already parted ways, long distance was never going to work out for us- and the fact that he had thrown me aside like a hot potato upon returning home from our previous vacation together. One one occasion during our previous trip, Paul had decided to wear the same colored t-shirt that immediately after seeing what I wore before heading out to the pubs. “Elaine, how do I look? Is my hair OK? How about this shave – is this a
close shave or what?” he asked me. And I immediately sensed an insecure and
narcissistic side to this otherwise confident man which I had known for about a year and half.
I initially got to
know Paul at through a mutual friend when they showed up at a bar I was at, unannounced. We talked about sports and American culture. During
that time, nothing out of the ordinary struck me about Paul. In fact, my first
impressions of Paul were generally positive. He seemed to be a confident and
determined person, with a genuine desire for helping middle and high school
students reach their full potential. What’s more, he is a driven and organized
person, who constantly seeks out new challenges.
Besides having
good looks and being a slick talker, Paul has the perfect resume and educational
credentials that any student under his tutelage would envy.
He earned honors from Stanford University. Following graduation, he
obtained a Master’s degree and PHD from Harvard in technology and English. Paul, who comes from a mix of Hispanic and Western European descent, is an adviser of various educational committees. In addition,
he is a member of various prestigious elitist circles. A promising
man in his late-forties, he unabashedly calls himself a professional geek.
During my fourth encounter with Paul, he drank heavily, downing everything in sight. More disturbingly, he constantly hit on me, trying to kiss me at every opportunity. I felt extremely irritated. “Could you please stop hitting on Elaine, you’re embarrassing”, a concerned friend interjected. In response, Paul slyly said, “I’m too drunk to know what’s going on, dude.” He backed off temporarily, but eventually started his obnoxious act once again. “Elaine, I really would like to have you tonight, you have made my time in Malaysia simply the best time ever.” I was now irate with his despicable behavior. "Paul is simply another desperate guy hiding behind the shield of being drunk as an excuse to get into my pants.” I thought to myself. As the night went on, inebriation got the best of me. I eventually gave into Paul's requests and took the first move- kissing. Paul's magic words which made me fall into the first kiss was "I haven't kissed someone in a long time," something along the lines of that. He insisted he was single, but that truth was to be short lived, two years later.
My gut instincts were right, but yet I chose to ignore it and believe his words that he was dating someone right after we split up from the previous vacation. If he was dating, or engaged, there wasn't much of a detriment to remain as friends and talk on a daily/every other day basis exchanging at least an email or text message over a phone messenger. Right after the first trip, he had walked down the aisle and now, he will be moving two hours down south from where he was based with his life partner of a year. The photos which I discovered by chance on documents left online by chance, a week after I discovered the pornography. Paul was a douche. A typical slimy man with a high flying career and a sex partner in every country nearby.
I used to have a weekly social circle, going out for drinks with friends who all knew Paul. After the first incident sparked, I lost everyone when I should have believed them that he had the ring on his finger and a player. I chose to believe the lies that Paul told me, and the fact that he never wore a ring when we hung out at all. Deep down in me, since he said he was dating, there might be that very chance for me to get back with him, despite a twenty year age difference. To me, age does not matter when I'm way too deep into Paul. During a send off at the airport four months back, Paul still had the absolute cheek to tell me these words "Maybe we might work out if you get a job and move to wherever I'm at, in Taiwan.." I foolishly believed him yet again, when he was already happily hitched for nine months. Finally when he said those words "Elaine, listen. I have been married for a year. She's easily jealous. And we both got jobs at the school in Taiwan, so it's none of your business..." before hanging up suddenly on me.
Unknown to students and the woman he's with, Paul is sexually attracted to younger girls. Actually,
the word “attracted” is kind here; “lust” is probably more appropriate. Although he appears harmless, this is someone
who is frankly dangerous in many ways.
Despite the Ivy
League education, Paul is no better than other slimy expat men, who frequently
stalk prostitutes outside of Singapore’s famed Orchard Towers or Bangkok's Nana Plaza and Soi 4, Pattaya's Walking Street – where teenage
girls from the Philippines, Vietnam, Thailand, Cambodia and China gather each night to sell sex.
Lacking the stereotypical middle-aged man bulge, Paul is tall and well
dressed – making him appear less offensive on the surface. He is usually decked out in a Calvin Klein or Guess or Lucky Brand t-shirt and shorts and loafers or leather sandals. Paul approaches girls who are friends of his in a cautious manner, not showing any obvious signs of his sexual desires. Indeed,
at many places, Paul is so slick that most students do not even know he
is preying on them- that includes me.
Working in high schools enabled Paul to have a large pool from which to attract his female
students. If he failed to feel comfortable with one, he would simply flirt with
another girl. Voices of temptation undoubtedly spoke in Paul’s head. “They are
so young and soft. This is like heaven.” “These girls trust you. Be gentle.” At
night, when Paul was alone, he watched hours of school girl pornography to fall
asleep. His subscriptions to sites distributing pornography had multiplied like
rabbits mating. The more pornography Paul watched, the more his mind was
fixated on young girls, lusting after their bodies.
Even more
alarming, while at work with students around, Paul would become sexually
aroused by students. He subsequently would make a beeline to the bathrooms to
masturbate. Students trusted him easily because he ran the competitions
professionally. But behind this professional façade, Paul preyed on young girls,
often going to dinner with them after a school event he did technology support for. From dinner, he would lure
them back to his home in various ways by making them feel at ease. Daring
girls were more than willing than most to make out with him. Some of these
girls likely had family problems or personal issues, leading to low self
esteem; others no doubt simply wanted to experiment with an older white guy. Paul once confided to me during that fateful trip last year right before he got hitched that he once dated a former student who was twenty-four years younger than him.
To be continued...
*names and details of universities and locations changed to protect identity.
*names and details of universities and locations changed to protect identity.
